Dear God – A Page from Life’s Diary

Dear God,

It’s me again, your lost son who’s come back from a life of unbridled prodigality to seek an embrace and a take-back. For have been in folly to neither think that I can of my frail self, do anything and neither could my Shea butter-like brain lead me into the path of success. But what really is a success if it’s not defined in You and made manifest by You through us as so You so please to mold the clay (Us), You being the Potter.

In sin was I conceived into a disdainful world that’s decayed more than the Egyptian Mommy and I have been in sin countless times to even recall. That coming before your throne of grace and mercy is but a recurring life’s routine and I keep at it with the ‘that grace should abound phenomenon’. My life, I look back at the journey; where I am and the supposed destination I’m meant to be headed but I just can’t phantom what exactly You want of me in this life to be and to do. I really can’t keep up these trials and errors approach to life, I know we are all specimens for your desired analysis but I’d prefer you get done with me a.s.a.p. “Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end”. (John 13:1, NLT)

As the days go by and my numbered days here on earth dwindle by the second with only You knowing when I’d be saying ‘Hello from the other side’, I do want to leave on a noteworthy premise. Have I lived as expected by Your will and commands? Not even close, but I have taken up a daily burden to be better than yesterday. The intentional move to be more like Jesus daily as I live in this ending world that a lot seem to lose sight of and live in utter recklessness. “You don’t even know what tomorrow will bring–what your life will be! For you are a bit of smoke that appears for a little while, then vanishes” (James 4:14, HCSB)

Why should I live without the consciousness of an end to this life? Why should I have to take the risky high and broadways to find out in a defeated state where nothing can be changed anymore? At the 2005 Stanford commencement address, Steve Jobs said, Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart”. The consciousness of death, the underlying basis for choosing the side we’d be on when it actually happens.

While having a chat with Steve, “I remember sitting in his backyard in his garden one day and he started talking about God,” recalled Isaacson. “He said, ‘sometimes I believe in God, sometimes I don’t. I think it’s 50-50 maybe. But ever since I’ve had cancer, I’ve been thinking about it more. And I find myself believing a bit more. I kind of maybe it’s cause I want to believe in an afterlife. That when you die, it doesn’t just all disappear…'”

Does it have to get to the place of death before the reality of life’s purpose to go all out and do the things we want, the life we ought to have lived? When the clock’s tick is faster than a racing car and time is so not on our side.  

Dear God, Kenny changed her location address and left me here to continue tilling the earth till it’s my time to come home. You do know she was dutiful to your service and always apologetic when she wasn’t available even when I purposefully don’t want her stressing. Even without cancer in her life, Kenny would be the same great soul that she was living the life destined for her and still doing Your will. Because she had encountered both legs broken in a ghastly accident during her university days and those legs still drove cars and danced as much as they could. Bodily, I do feel sick and frail that maybe my time is yet closer than anticipated and my bucket list of to-dos aren’t yet close to being accomplished.

2019, a year loaded with the unexpectedly expected happenings that took various shape and form yet, I have much to be thankful for. But would want to dwell on how I can make 2020 be a year where I become a new wine that won’t be poured into an old wineskin. A year where I’d be whatever You want me to be with no hesitation at breaking all limitations and standing for Christ in this perverse world in need of a purge.

A time to walk in Spirit consciousness that there’s a place called home which I ain’t there yet and the visa into that eternal home lies within my choice to follow Him till the very end. Where it is more of You, Lord and nothing of me holding on to the ‘Be Prepared’ mindset as the Scout Motto says. If there’s the slightest chance that there is a Heaven; an afterlife better than this present one – I’ll take it over and over again. Everything I need to do to be ever-ready for the glorious call is set in motion as I launch out into 2020. Help me fulfill the greatest of all your commands which you did till the very end with your disciples and all who encountered You – …He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end”. Grant me the knowledge to know my ministry (work) on earth as defined by Wikipedia “In Christianitythe ministry is an activity carried out by Christians to express or spread their faith, the prototype being the Great Commission. The Encyclopedia of Christianity defines it as “carrying forth Christ‘s mission in the world”, indicating that it is “conferred on each Christian in baptism.”[1] It is performed by all Christians.”

Dear God, thank you for crossing me over into the year 2020 though some esteemed loved ones didn’t make it through. It was more of a ‘see you later‘ than it was of goodbye and I know I’ll be seeing a great number of these valiant generals in time not so far off from now. As I keep up diligently in my ministry doing your bidding which is loving all irrespective.

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